Have you ever heard the phrase, "We become part of what we
are around?." Have you given much thought to how this
principle has been molding and shaping your life? It's worth
thinking about. The people you associate with have a
profound affect on how you feel and what you'll ultimately
achieve.
I'm sure most of you have heard this principle before. Some
of you have heard it a hundred times. But this is one of
those areas where there is a large gap between theory and
practice. In other words, you know it's important to limit
involvement with negative people, yet you continue to hang
around with them.
By the way, I'm not talking about your relationship with
your spouse or significant other. I'm referring to
discretionary relationships, both at work and in your
leisure hours.
In today's literature, we frequently see the terms toxic
people and nourishing people. As you might expect, toxic
people are the ones who always dwell on the negative. The
dictionary defines toxic as "poisonous" toxic people
continually spew their verbal poison. In contrast, the
dictionary definition of nourishing is "to nurture or
promote the growth of." Nourishing people are positive and
supportive. They lift your spirits and are a joy to be
around.
Negative people will always drag you down to their level.
They hammer away at you with all of the things you can't do
and all of the things that are impossible. They barrage you
with gloomy statements about the lousy economy, the problems
in their lives, the problems soon to be in your life, and
the terrible prospects for the future. If you're lucky, they
might even throw in a few words about their aches and pains
and recent illnesses.
After listening to toxic people, you feel listless,
depressed and drained. Psychologist Jack Canfield describes
them as "energy vampires" -- they suck all the positive
energy out of you. One thing is certain: these "vampires"
will wear you down and kill your dreams.
On the other hand, how do you feel when you are around
people who are positive, enthusiastic and supportive? I'll
bet that you are encouraged and inspired. You start to pick
up their attitude, and you feel as if you have added
strength to vigorously pursue your own goals.
If you had a choice, wouldn't you rather hang out with
nourishing people? Well, in fact, you DO have a choice. It's
up to you to determine who you spend your time with. If
toxic people surround you in your daily life, you can do
something about it.
To begin with, develop friendships and associations with
people who are positive and supportive. In addition, seek
out people who are action-oriented and service-oriented. As
you spend more and more time in the company of people who
have these traits, you, too, will develop the same
successful characteristics and put them to use in your life.
Consider who you have been spending your time with. Examine
your friendships and relationships at work and during your
leisure hours. Those who occupy your time have a significant
impact on your most priceless possession ... your mind! It
is your responsibility to regulate what you allow into your
mind.
Here are some steps you can take to be more responsible in
this area:
* If you regularly have lunch with toxic people at work,
stop it. You should be able to find a diplomatic way of
extricating yourself from this "poisonous" group.
* If you have a toxic relative (which could be your mother,
father, son or daughter), it is important to put some limits
on your involvement with them. This does not mean that you
abandon this relative and never speak to him or her.
However, you should not go out of your way to call that
person several times each day if he or she is going to put
you down or fill the conversation with negative remarks.
* Form your own positive group with friends or colleagues.
Make a commitment to meet with these people on a regular
basis (e.g., once a week or once a month) to discuss goals,
exchange ideas and offer support. These should be people who
accept you as you are and yet challenge you to be the best
that you can be.
In case you're wondering, I'm in favor of trying to help
friends who are negative. I think we should make efforts to
steer them in a more positive direction. But if we've been
trying for the last 9 years and the person insists on being
negative, maybe it's time to severely limit the amount of
time we spend with that person - or to stop spending any
time with that individual.
As you increase your associations with nourishing people,
you will feel better about yourself and about your ability
to achieve your goals. You'll become a more positive, upbeat
person -- the kind of person others love to be around. I
used to think that it was important to associate with
positive people and to limit involvement with negative
people. Now, I believe that it is essential if you want to
be a high-achiever and a happy individual.
By the way, as you continue to associate with positive
people, the law of attraction starts to kick in. That law
states that LIKE ATTRACTS LIKE. When you are positive,
you'll attract more positive people into your life. Of
course, if you are NEGATIVE, you'll attract negative people.
So, surround yourself with positive, nourishing people --
they will lift you up the ladder of success.
About The Author
Jeff Keller is a motivational speaker and author of the best-selling book, Attitude is Everything. For more information and to sign up for his monthly e-mail newsletter, visit www.attitudeiseverything.com
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